First post of 2019

The last month flew by like a breeze. I have not had much time to update my blog. The good news is that we found decently priced movers, and will be living Toronto for good (most likely, for as long as Doug Ford is Premier in Ontario). The PC government has been cutting off a lot of social services, and even gave themselves an increase on the amount they can declare for housing, while scrapping rent control, the minimum wage increase that was supposed to take effect as of January 1st, no more free tuition, amongst other things. It is a complete mess, and it is clear that the Conservatives do not care about poor people, especially LGBTQ and people of colour. It is no longer safe for people like me (disabled, poor, and queer) to stay in Ontario.

The weather here is currently a deep freeze. Step into a freezer and you’ll get the idea, though you’d be missing the wind. Many homeless people in Toronto will likely die from exposure, because mayor Tory won’t open more space to offer shelter to them. Last night, when the windchill made it feel like it was -35ºC, the heat in our unit was off, despite my landlady claiming it was never turned off, but then in another email, she said she turned it off because *she* was hot! It takes a lot from me to request fixing things, because I detest confrontation, so I tend to be as polite and diplomatic. Then we received a hostile reply that we are complaning too much, and preventing her from doing her work. I have never felt so disrespected. Of course we are going to get in touch if something needs to be fixed, is that not the point? It is really upsetting, I just want to maintain peace, but being bullied and silenced doesn’t sit right with me.

As if things didn’t already suck so much, yesterday I was thrown in Facebook jail for saying that “Men are trash”. 3 days where I can’t post or comment, or even use Messenger. It’s truly appalling when reporting content that is clearly racist, homophobic, transphobic, and misogynistic, rarely get taken down. Men can threaten women with violence, and Facebook will take your screenshots down for being against their TOU. The assholes doing the threatening though? No consequences whatsoever. My presence on this site will be greatly reduced once I’m free. I cannot continue to support a platform that cares so little about its users. Cutting me off from Messenger is terrible, this is what pisses me off more than not being able to post or comment on FB. That’s how many people, including family, keep in touch with me. Now I have to email my mom to reassure her I’m not dead. Mark Zuckerberg only cares about white, cis, straight men. 

I will update this blog again once we are all settled in at our new place. It will be a stressful 8 days. 

I Hate Heat Waves

We’ve been having a heat wave since Saturday. I think it is the worst one yet for the last few years. I took these screenshots last week. The first one is in °C, and the second is in °F (I know some of you readers are in the US).

As a chronically ill person, this kind of weather is awful. Here’s how it affects me:

• My asthma was pretty bad in elementary school. I’d get bronchitis every year until I was about 12. A decade later, I was in university. During a particularly  brutal semester, my lack of sleep and my eating junk food weakened my immune system enough to get pneumonia. It’s more severe than bronchitis. The fever was the worst since the first time I recall having the flu when I was 9 or 10. I was at 39.5°C/103°F. It was really scary. Coughing made my back hurt. I had to stay home because I didn’t really want to spread the disease to other fellow students. I was also working at a cafe in the university campus, and showing up while very sick was not a good idea. My supervisor gave me shit for it, which is just so wrong. I didn’t go to my classes but I had to give my supervisor a note for my absence. I had to go on 2 different antibiotics to get rid of that bug. Ever since then, my ability to breathe in extreme conditions has been reduced, especially very humid heat, which is what we’re currently having. Try imagining that you can only breathe through a very narrow straw. Or that the air is thick and dense like molasses.
• Brain fog from fibromyalgia is especially bad on those days. I haven’t been doing much housework since it started, because the fog is draining my energy.
• June and July is migraine season for me. The weather really has an impact. I used to keep a migraine journal a few years ago, after the neurologist I saw at the time encouraged me to do so. I think 75% of my migraines happen in those 2 months.
• Chronic pain flare ups from fibromyalgia, arthritis, and endometriosis. The first two also happen during especially cold winter days. It could also be the high humidity playing into it.

I heard people having the knee-jerk reaction to mention how it’ll be the extreme opposite (cold and snow) in a few months. I don’t understand this at all. Both weather scenarios are just as bad for me, and other people with chronic illnesses/pain. In the winter, there are hazards that are absent in the summer: icy sidewalks and unshoveled snow on sidewalks. The ice makes me very anxious and scared about falling.

Extreme weather affects a lot more people than you’d think. I’m incredibly thankful for the central AC in my house, the best thing about this place. If you live in an area affected by this recent heat wave, make sure to drink a lot of fluids, avoid going outside between noon and 3pm (when the heat and UV index are the highest) unless you really need to, and wear cotton clothing and light colours. Be safe.

Homesick

Hey readers,

As some of you know, Doug Ford (Conservative party) was elected as premier of Ontario last week. It made me feel so sick, and scared as to what this’ll mean to marginalized folx.

I moved to Toronto a little over 4 years ago. There was an opportunity and I jumped on it. My husband Matthew followed me a month after I moved. And these past 4 years have been the worst 4 years of my life. Toronto is already very expensive to live in (especially housing), but with the Conservatives in charge, they’d scrap rent control, so Toronto would be even MORE expensive to live in. And we can’t afford that. There will also be some major cuts in services, especially healthcare.

Moving back to Montreal has been on my mind for a few days now. However, I HATE it. It’s expensive and so stressful and I have so many things. But in the long run, it would be much more sustainable. My family doctor in Montreal even kept my file open, so at the very least, I won’t have to look for one.

I decided to create a fundraiser to help us with moving costs. I’m definitely not happy about having to do this, but right now, it is needed.

Please help Tess & Matt move back home

If you can’t donate, could you please share my fundraiser?

Thank you in advance, from the bottom of my heart.

A Little Bit More About Myself, Part 2

• Born and raised in Montreal. Grew up in the east end, and the last place I lived at before moving here was in NDG (Notre-Dame-de-Grâce). The best bagels are in Montreal. You can’t go wrong with Fairmount Bagel. Their sesame bagel is the tastiest ever. I have not eaten a bagel that compares in Toronto yet. I’m okay being a bagel snob.
• Another food I am snob about: poutine. The best poutine is in Quebec, and the few Toronto places that had decent poutine, are run by people from Quebec. Everyone here is obsessed with Smoke’s, but that’s likely because they never had REAL poutine. Real poutine has curds – me. I once inquired about the kind of cheese a local restaurant was using, and the waitress responded as if it was obvious that they were using SHREDDED CHEESE. What is wrong with you!? That ain’t poutine. Sorry, not sorry.
• I speak French (mother tongue) and English fluently. I also know a bit of German and Russian. I’m hoping to become fluent in them eventually. I just need practice.
• I graduated in Biotechnology in 2005, but only worked briefly in quality control for a company manufacturing supplements & vitamins. Hated it. It’s really unfortunate the employer where I did my 5-week internship was not looking to add headcount, but I cherish the time I spent there.
• What was this internship all about? I worked for the Microbiology division of the IRSST (Institut de Recherche Robert-Sauvé en Santé et Sécurité au Travail). It’s a research institute that also takes in samples from workplaces that appear on surfaces, so clients send them in to see if it poses a public health issue. We mostly dealt with fungus samples.
• I was given the choice between doing routine tests on different samples received, or to do my own project where I wanted to find a way to detect fungal spores before incubating it – these microorganisms grow very slow, 5-7 days on average. I tested a few bioluminescent dyes (I do not remember the names for each, sorry!). There were 3 dyes, which I tested at different concentrations. Using a special microscope kept in a pitch black room, I was able to see the spores, as they would be lighting up. I have the images on a CD-ROM somewhere. This was my favourite work experience ever.
• I missed my calling, working in research. As previously mentioned, I love languages. I have been working unofficially as a translator (French to English and English to French) for the last 15 years or so. Apparently, being bilingual in Toronto, especially French-English, means you can translate anything, but you won’t get paid as a translator. I’m currently a contact centre rat, and definitely NOT making a translator’s salary.
• I love cinema. My favourite movie of all time is Alien. Ellen Ripley is one of the most badass female characters in film. I wish the franchise died with Alien 3, like it should have. As a matter of fact, I prefer Alien 3 to Aliens. And don’t even get me started on the non-canon prequels.
• My favourite movie genre is science fiction. Even better if it incorporates horror. Alien and Alien 3 both fall in that category. I also believe Event Horizon (aka Hellraiser In Space) is a very underrated movie.
• I have 6 tattoos, with at least 3 more planned. My first piece was a fairy/pixie (my nickname has been Pixie for a decade now), that I got done on June 21, 2008. 

 

• Speaking of body modifications, I used to have the following piercings: nostril (twice), tongue, labret, septum, ear cartilage. I also stretched my earlobes awhile ago and still wear 8-gauge jewelry.

That’s it for tonight, folx! I’ll definitely post a Part 3 soon. I didn’t originally think I would be writing that much!

A Little Bit More About Myself, Part 1

Good afternoon folx!

I wanted to tell you a little bit more about myself. 🙂 Since I don’t want to throw a big wall of text your way, I will make another post with more content.

I was born and raised in Montreal, but moved to Toronto in April 2014. My husband Matthew followed me in May of the same year. The reason for leaving my hometown was to explore a new employment opportunity. I worked for a vegan bakery for a few months, then had an office job for 6-7 weeks (it ended up being a nightmare, I might write about it one day), and then got my current job, where I’ve been employed for 3 ½ years. I have been on sick leave since January of this year, due to a mental breakdown and worsening of my other conditions. I don’t like not working, but right now my health is not letting me. It took us some time to get used to Toronto. One of the biggest shocks was how much more expensive rent is compared to back home. My last 2-bedroom (or as we say in Quebec, a 4 ½) was $900/month + hydro (which was about $50 every 45 days). Our first place in Toronto, in Oakwood Village, was $1400/month but nothing included. I used to complain about Hydro back when living in Montreal, but it’s much worse here! We now live in the Beaches, in the east-end. It is only a 5 minute walk to the waterfront, which is amazing. We hope to stay here for as long as possible. Apartment hunting is already stressful, it is even worse in Toronto.

I identify as a bisexual/pansexual non-binary femme (she/her and they/them both valid and okay in my book – I don’t really care that much about it). Bisexuality, to me, is being attracted to people my gender, and those who aren’t my gender, aka “other genders”. I guess that because the term pansexual wasn’t really popular when I came out, I will identify as bisexual (this is a very interesting and educative piece about pansexuality) a bit more than pansexual. At any rate, I sometimes refer to myself as an angry unicorn, hence the featured image for this post. It’s hilarious.

As far as music goes, I am a huge fan of David Bowie, Prince, The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Blondie, Iggy Pop (with and without the Stooges), Queen, Joy Division, Depeche Mode, Björk, The Clash, George Michael/Wham! (not one bit ashamed of this one!), Kraftwerk, Nine Inch Nails, and so many more… It would be a huge list.

But the musician who has made the biggest impression on me, was David Bowie. I became a fan in 2002, around the time Heathen came out. He introduced me to a lot of amazing music that I otherwise would have not been exposed to. And he’s definitely helped me figure out who the heck I am and why I don’t feel like I am from this planet. He made “weird” look cool. I would lie if I said that this piece didn’t make me cry. I’m still grieving his death. Blackstar is still a difficult listen. I remember when it came out, I walked into HMV (sadly gone) and they were playing the title song, and I had a pleasant conversation with one of the clerks. 16 years ago, when requesting to see if they had an album in stock, the clerks rarely knew who David Bowie was. No one my age (18) in college seemed to even know who he is, and I once had someone complimenting my Aladdin Sane t-shirt but they thought it was a Jem & The Holograms print. Awkward. My latest tattoo is a gorgeous rendition of Major Tom’s bejeweled skull. I am incredibly proud of it, and it looks even better now, as it has fully healed.

Feel free to follow Kelly, the wonderful tattoo artist who made this piece a reality, on Instagram. I have 5 other tattoos, and I’m already thinking about another 2-3 pieces; the next one just HAS to be a Prince tattoo because it would be tattoo #7 and Prince liked the number 7. I’m not exactly sure what the piece will be, although I do want some elements like a dove, with a purple tear, along with the “Love” sign he changed his name to in the 90s.

As you have probably guessed, Prince is another favourite. Today, he would have turned 60. However, he was not really a fan of birthdays in general. He once said, circa 1999 (the year, not the album),

I don’t celebrate birthdays. It stops me from counting days, which stops me from counting time, which allows me to still look the same I did 10 years ago.

I am celebrating by wearing lots of purple – it also happens to be my favourite colour. I have a cane that I use on days I have more pain, that I ordered from Fashionable Canes, and it is called “Purple Majesty”. This, of course, instantly reminded me of Prince. The name of the pattern on the cane is paisley (his home/studio is called Paisley Park), it is purple, and the mention of majesty – totally a Prince reference to me.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading! I will have another post about more stuff about myself in the next few days. Stay tuned!

First post! Welcome!

Hello and welcome to the Ovarian Barbarian!

First obligatory post: who the hell is behind Ovarian Barbarian!?

My name is Tess, I am 34 years old individual who identifies as femme, and currently reside in Toronto, Canada. I decided to write for a blog about chronic illness/pain and disabilities, to boost the voices of chronically ill and disabled folx. I am myself one of them. I suffer from a few conditions, some of which are disabling.

• Endometriosis: It was only 2 years ago that I got an official diagnosis via laparoscopic surgery, but it’s been hinted at as far as 2006, probably even before that. If you’re familiar with it, you probably know how hard it is to find the right doctor who will agree to do a formal diagnosis – it can only be done with a laparoscopy. There is no known cure. Research about endometriosis is severely lacking.
• Depression & General Anxiety Disorder: Suspected much earlier, but officially diagnosed in 2007. The anxiety is the hardest one to treat. The depression is mostly seasonal, but I have some depressive episodes from time to time. Anxiety never EVER leaves. I’ve been on several antidepressants (some were great and some were terrible), I go to therapy about once every couple of weeks, and I have emergency medication when anxiety is too much and I’m unable to function, and I’m unable to walk myself out of a panic attack.
• Fibromyalgia: There isn’t really an official way to diagnose this disease, other than scoring at least 11 out of 18 trigger points. I think I’ve had it since 2014. After working for an abusive man (I will probably post about this later on, it’s quite a ride), I started feeling severe pain in my left shoulder. The doctors thought it was a rotator cuff injury, but I don’t recall doing any forced moves or anything like that. Since fibro tends to get triggered after a traumatic event, my best guess is that it was my body’s way of coping. And it’s been hell ever since. It seems to get worse with time. As with endometriosis, it affects people who have a uterus, accounting for about 80%. No cure either.
• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): According to my parents, I was diagnosed while still in elementary school, but I never seeked help out of shame and humiliation. It was only a couple of years ago I gave medication a try. I think it works, but it’s a bit hard to tell. There is also a lot of overlapping with Autism Spectrum Disorder, especially since both manifest quite differently in girls+ and women+. I’ve been reading a lot about the subject, and interacted with people who are autistic, and I am suspecting I’m on the spectrum as well. I requested an assessment at CAMH from my family doctor, and he was on board. I think I know myself well enough, I was asked for reasons as to why I think I need one, and my doctor told me those I listed were enough. I have no idea as to when I’ll see a shrink, but seeing as this is Canada, it’ll likely be several months. Weee.

I think that’s enough for a first post. I am looking forward to writing my next post. Suggestions are welcome and my inbox is always open: ovarianbarbarian.blog@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

Tess a.k.a. the Ovarian Barbarian

EDIT: I’m on Twitter! There’s nothing on there just yet, but I’m going to test it out. @gameovaries_ (Game Ovaries – Game Over; get it?)